Thursday, May 7, 2009

"So...there's this boy..."

Ten years. ...Ten years of dating. Ten years of stories of "the phone call", "the door step", "the first date", "the blind date", "the last date", "the look", "the DTR", "the confession", "the denial", "the heartbreak", "the freak out", "the kiss", "the crush", and "the game". Hundreds of lessons to be learned...and after 10 years...I STILL can't wrap my head around some of them!

I have had countless conversations on the dating game with countless numbers of people, friends, family, name it, I've talked to them about it. Through all these conversations lots of theories have been presented on how to best play your cards so you can win. You know, "Play hard to get, it's all about the chase." "If your interested let them know." "The guy has to call you." "You should ask him out." blah, blah, blah. Everyone has their own take on it. In all has too many variables to predict a favorable outcome based on the card you choose to play. The rules of dating are very much comparable to the rules of Calvin ball...subject to change at any given moment for any given reason.

This last a hard one for me to swallow. I don't always see the reasoning behind why it has to be so I try and buck the system. See if I can find a new and actually effective theory.

The movie "He's Just Not That In To You"...makes a good point. The female gender likes to escalate the meaning of every little thing. Turning it into a sign or a hint which will makes sense of this mell of hess we call "dating". I know I'm guilty of it. Constantly trying to turn myself into "the exception". My recent escapade is a case in point.

"So...there's this boy...", he and I have been friends for quite sometime, and that's all we've been. We've never gone out on a "real" date and, as far as I could tell, he's never given me any indication that our friend status would change. One day one of my favorite people pointed out to me that this guy and I were just pussy footin' around the issue and that both of us seemed more interested than what we were lead to think. That all this stuff, that we were doing under the pretense of friendship for and to one another...had more to it than "just friends." Well...shoot...that got me thinking. I have a tragic tendency to throw boys into the friend corner before even giving them a chance, and I was becoming more and more aware of that...and I didn't want to do it again.

Gathering all the information and factual evidence I could from all of the time I've spent with him, I made an assumption concerning this long time friend of mine that there was potential for me to be his exception. A risky assumption. Possibly a very STUPID assumption. But I figured "What do I have to lose? I like the guy...and I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been." So... I decided that if he wasn't going to address it...then I would. I cowboy-ed up and threw myself in front of a bus...hoping that I wouldn't get run over.

This story is still pending. There is a good chance I have already gotten run over. Kind of pathetic that I don't even know if I have been at this point or not... But...I left that night, the night I'd decided to throw all my pride and insecurities out the window and just go for it, feeling like I did the right thing. Feeling courageous, and giddy...and liberated. There was no fear, no embarrassment, no rejection. I did what I had set out to do...knowing fully well that he could reject me, and that was his call....but also knowing...that he if did decide to reject me...both he and I knew it wouldn't be because I wasn't good enough. It wasn't about me...if he chose a different wasn't about was just his choice.

An entire decade FULL of stories, with many more to come...I'm sure. Some relatively predictable, some completely unheard of, some boring, some AWESOME, some sad, some hilarious. ALL completely worth it. Hindsight is always 20/20 and in retrospect...there is not a thing I would change. No one.


  1. You crack me up. I'm so glad you started a blog because I love the way you write. I love how you compare the dating game to Calvin ball. So true! I'm not sure I know who the guy is though... you may be getting a phone call from me later....

  2. Hey! I am so glad i found you too. You are a great writer. I am glad you have a blog. I don't have any advice on the dating game. I still wonder how I got married because i hated the game too.
    I have a whole bunch of questions for you, but I will just let you answer that on your blog. Maybe its already there. I guess I should go read more.

  3. Oh, the dating game. Some of my favorite memories with you are those trying to fugure out that silly game.
    I love reading your blog. I think of you often. You're still one of my favorite people.s

  4. So... what was the conclusion??? You really can't leave me hanging like that! :)